Yes, it is called stalking. Yes, internet is helpful in it and I can only help but wonder what was it like in the decades prior to the advent of internet, how was it done? I mean, so here you are trying to achieve a closure in a relationship, which, lets put it plainly, did not work and you are trying to understand why? Oh yes! Why? So you run through the years gone by, analyzing every minute of your existence with that significant other, and then, you see all the areas where you were wrong, where you could basically pin the blame upon yourself. I have realized that many of us, the female species that is, have always found a creative way to take the blame upon us. If only I would have done THAT differently or may be if some divine intervention would have happened and saved us both. Yes, it’s courageous to accept our blunders but foolish at a certain level, to not see the faults of that significant other.
Anyway, coming back to the stalking, my question is and remains how was it done in the days before the stalking-friendly tools were developed. How would a person know about what was happening in the lives of that significant other? So really a big Thank you to facebook, linkedin, whatsapp, instagram, twitter and the other countless apps that I may be missing, for letting me know the whereabouts and occupation of my ex-significant other. Over a chat with a girlfriend, who is on the same boat as me, a mention of her saying that stalking is helping her attain the closure that she wanted in her relationship, I was confused.
Guilty as charged for checking my ex-significant other’s whatsapp profile and status message, a couple of times a day (Yeah! This is where you call me a psycho), I had most definitely not achieved any closure. Oh hell! I had only ended up building a lot of anger inside me, switching between ‘ why does that DP (for the uninitiated, the Display Picture) has my significant other holding hands of his significant other, and not mine’ to ‘Oh my God I am so glad he is not in my life anymore and secretly humming Gloria-Gaynor’s-I-will-survive-routine (works best for heartbreak)’.
The other school of thought (basically another set of friends, in the same boat as me) convinced me that stalking was basically a desperate attempt to infuse self-contempt in order to feel depressed about the current state of being and that blocking (thankfully, whoever made the apps, thought about it) the significant other, was the way forward. But there is a powerplay here, who blocks whom first? So even though I lost round one of blocking my Significant Other from Facebook, (he did it first), I won round two by blocking him on Whatsapp. We are even now as far as battle of social media goes.
But then where was I in the whole stalking scenario. I was caught up in the middle somewhere. I stalk him and in some areas, I do see I have attained closures but blocking him has left me with this veil of serenity, which helped me in looking within for answers, instead of reacting to every post, every picture, every status message. Maybe there is no strategy yet on how to stalk your significant other and not get hurt or maybe one would find an article on Lifehack telling you 21 ways of stalking successfully and not getting hurt, I don’t know. All I know is that I am glad that I am going through a heartbreak and these social media thingies have been helpful in figuring out the significant other, I thought I knew all about. I am glad that where in the decades preceding the advent of internet, a woman would have only wondered what her significant other was doing, probably hearing bits and pieces of information brought by some ‘concerned’ relative or friend, I have every information thanks to 3G-4G.
There was a very powerful movie called Ijaazat directed by Gulzar Sahib starring Naseeruddin Shah and Rekha. A chance meeting in a railway station waiting room, one rainy night, brings a couple, who were divorced, together. As they discover the truths about their lives without each other, he (Naseeruddin Shah) had suffered a heart attack and that the third party involved (the gorgeous Anuradha Patel) died in a freak accident, it gets revealed in the end that she (Rekha) has moved on with her life, with a very loving man (Shashi Kapoor). She touches his (Naseeruddin Shah’s) feet as a plea for his forgiveness and for his permission (Ijaazat) for her to leave him, something which she had not asked for the last time they had separated. One of the most captivating scenes to have ever been pictured was in this piece of art that Gulzar Sahib created.
Cut to the present world, this would have never happened, I don’t think the concept of waiting rooms exist (Pardon my limited knowledge of Indian Railways) besides, the social media enabled check-in location function would have ensured that both of them would have known that the other is in the same railway station. She would have known that he had a heart attack because his timeline would have been flowing with Get Well Soon wishes and she would have know that the third party died in a freak accident because her timeline would have been flooded with RIP messages and he would have known that she had moved on with a loving husband since her timeline would have been flooded with the romantic candle light dinners and holidays in foreign locations. So even if there was a chance meeting, they would have perhaps known everything upto the last meal each had, and a masterpiece of Gulzar Sahib, would have never seen the light of the day and that I would have never found the beautiful heart-wrenching song which sees me through the sleepless nights thinking about my significant other and the relationship I lost,
‘Mera kuch saamaan tumhare paas pada hai.. wo bhijwa do, mera wo saaman lauta do’