Gwyneth Paltrow called getting divorced as ‘conscious uncoupling’ but that was 2014, it is still ‘irreconcilable differences’ as far as Jolie-Pitt affair goes. So at the fag end of an emotionally draining year, of witnessing heartbreaks and having to deal with them, of sealing the fate of many marriages like an undertaker, I thought let me write about it.
And no this post is not about the utility of getting married but more about the urban landscape and this myth called ‘Love’.
Love has become an ‘urban legend’ in this era of social media. Flooded with the picture-perfect couples and their holidays, candle light dinners, the mushy-gushy stuff.. the ending of every comment with a kiss just to ensure that love between two people is rightly displayed.. Scratch the surface a bit and you will find that its just a nonsensical display of love which is dying a slow death. I know this for a fact because of the ‘Been there, Done that Syndrome’
I am not a cynic, I believe in the truly-madly-deeply-type-of-love.. I don’t know any other kind. I am a sucker for old-fashioned love but sadly it doesn’t exist anymore.
The kind of love that exists, includes cheating of a different kind. It may be checking your Facebook feed first thing in morning, poking nose in what others were upto while you were sleeping, instead of sending Hi! to your Significant Other to tell them they are the first thing on your mind. I am not trying to drive home a point that one should do this… All I am saying is that the levels of distraction in a relationship has increased manifold.
This brings me to the point of ‘breakup’ and ‘survival’. It is human instinct to try to cling to whatever little we can hold on to, when a relationship is about to breakup. So the fact that staying friends on Facebook works but little does one realise that the timeline will betray us one day and the photo of our ex-significant other will pop up with their latest significant other, ruining friendship with the ex forever. Believe me when I say, we all have a jealous-bone in our body.
A tedtalk I heard on vulnerability sometime ago, talked about how we have to let ourselves be vulnerable inorder for us to be strong. I believe in that. I have let myself be vulnerable and then seen myself emerge stronger. Vulnerability is a strength and nothing to be ashamed of.
So is love a myth and ‘One-true-love’ a lie?
The truth is, we all need love! And interestingly we all get it too but it comes with an expiry date. In this urban legend, the expiry date is of relevance and what do you do when you know that the shelf date of love with a specific significant other, is over. Do you stick because you cant hurt that person and start searching answer for the inevitable question ‘What is wrong with me?’ Or do you walk out and let life be? Staying in a relationship for all the wrong reasons, is more damaging than walking out of it. Most of us stay in a relationship because we want the other person to walk out on us, to be the stronger person and since that never happens… Sadly, love dies a slow death. (A question of relevance here is to examine internally if we worked on our relationship so as to not expedite the expiry date. The truth is walking out may be easier for some because they don’t want to stay and make it work.)
And No, I am not saying it because I am a lawyer and trying to push my agenda for divorce to increase clientele. I still find divorce cases to be most draining because it is all about heartbreak and ‘I thought we would be together forever’. And No, I am not telling you to love-yourself-first and then find love. Thats too outdated because the urban landscape is all about self love and selfies.
I am saying this because life is short and Love is real. There is no magical wand that can make it appear on your doorstep or let it stay till-death-do-us-part. And yes, there are many more loves than the ‘one-true-love’. So now that we enter into 2017, I had really like to remind you all – the world saw many legends, love as an urban legend is just one of them. So move on! Dont let non-existing love hold you back.
Until next time!
DISCLAIMER: This piece is not for the happy-in-love or happily-married people, they are requested to kindly ignore.