The Plus-One Affliction: Singles in the City

Aaaghhh! That word. Plus One. Oh Lord! Am I just hearing it too often or is it a realization dawning upon me that I am not a person unless I have a numeric attached to me. No, this is not a rant post. Ranting, in good measures, is kept for after a few glasses of wine, sitting with my ‘single’ girlfriend, listening to one of those lo-fi 90s Bollywood songs and trying to figure out our singlehood journey.

This post is a rhetorical question that has been troubling me. For most of you who may have read my blogposts over the years, the oldest post, a decade ago, was on the issue of changing my surname as a young bride at 24, to now this one where at 40 and divorced, embracing singlehood once again, I am informed by my well-meaning friends (who really care for me, by the way, and this post does not by any means, imply any aspersions on their kind hearts) to get a plus one for parties.

I did the impossible in the past few weeks – I attended some beautiful parties’ sans a plus one. It was scary to say the least. The butterflies in my stomach were as raw as the ones I had experienced in my teens, probably on my first date. The constant playing and replaying every little aspect of how I can keep myself busy alone, fiddling on my mobile phone, pretending to be busy with some important client and not displaying my not-so-sure-of-myself demeanor. I asked my closest mentor what she did, and she said, Pallavi! go, enjoy the music, sit alone if you must, and you will find your friends. And I did the uncalled-for thing, improper for a lady in this city. I went alone, and enjoyed the music and friends found their way.

All is well that ends well, they say but in all this, I found myself lost. Are men asked to bring their plus one? Is it assumed that a single woman will be accompanied by a brother or her father to these well-meaning social gatherings? Is it appropriate to dress up like you would and have your glass of wine and not be dubbed as being too flashy and inebriated? Are we, as single women, allowed to breathe and live the way we would like to, without the burden of finding a plus one just to fill up that box.

I am told that finding a plus one will improve my social station in society. But are we living in the 18^th century where a certain Elizabeth had to find her Mr. Darcy to rescue her and her family from societal suicide. Or have we moved on and reached a place where a single woman, who earns her social station in society with her hardwork, integrity and discipline, WITHOUT a plus one anywhere in the equation, still needs a certain Mr. Darcy to come and rescue her. I beg to differ. Love is a different thing. You find your ever-after and change your relationship status from Single to whatever but till such time the Status is Single and there is no rush to end up with just about anyone. Live and Let Live, should be the mantra.

All my life the unthinkable things happened in my life, which in the hindsight, as a young 19 years old girl studying in Jesus and Mary College, I would have found horrific some 20 years back; my 40 year old self wants to embrace my perfectly imperfect self and live my life as is, happily without the Plus One.